Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Reflection



As the two-year anniversary quietly approaches, I'm taking a moment to step back and think.  Actually,  I do a lot of that already....so what's a little more, I say? :)

I rarely get personal in this space - I've always tried to keep it professional and slightly detached, because of how guarded I am about my personal life, and because of the topic at hand. And because of how highly I regard the confidentiality of those I help. Not everyone wants to go shouting from the rooftops post makeover a la Oprah or TLC's "What Not To Wear". Nor does everyone want to star in their very own before and after album only to have it blasted on the internet.  The vibe most people want to give off is: I woke up looking like this.

So here I am, digging deeper and sharing more, because all the people I have ever been inspired by and looked up to have this key element in common - a true, honest voice about all their life experiences and how it shapes who they are. The good and the bad. And also because at the heart of it,  fashion can be so...well, superficial. Like, horrendously superficial.  People sizing up people simply based on outward appearance alone. Call me naive, but it makes me shudder.  I cringe thru events where this is the primary criteria of judgment of a person - you know, the ones where people don't even try to HIDE the fact that they are giving you the once over from head to toe? No shame.



Two steps forward...

I think you can be a person who enjoys dressing up and understands the importance of it (I DESPISE the overused word "fashionista") and still be....well, a genuine, non-pretentious person who sizes up people based on more than whether or not they are wearing last season's chelsea boot or just how uncomplicatedly, perfectly distressed their boyfriend jeans are.  The tired notion of "one-upping", the endless effort involved in staying ahead of the curve is at the core pointless. Especially when it nixes the enjoyment personal style can produce when practiced in moderation.  Because even if you somehow think you were successful, at the end of the day, there's always someone better:  someone with more access, someone more unique, someone more original, someone (I'm just gonna say it!) skinnier, someone more cutting-edge. In this fleeting, flippant vacuum of self-indulgence,  it's been challenging keeping my intentions pure and very honestly gauging what the payback of some assignments has been. Was this particular "adventure" fulfilling? Has it helped me grow? Do I feel a sense of satisfaction? How happy was the client I helped? Or was the whole thing just something to humble-brag about on social media?

"So....what is it you do EXACTLY?" someone will prod gently with either a genuine desire to know or  with a sharp eyebrow and at times, a snarky disposition.  This question has been inserted casually into more conversations than I can remember (I can count on one hand how many people asked me this same question about the "regular" full time job I held for six times longer than I've done this one. Go figure?), and hence, I should have a clear cut answer by now. But it's not that simple.

I've dipped my toes into a bit of everything that comes with the territory - posting outfits of the day, flying out for fashion week amidst the polar vortex on a sudden whim, stepping out of my comfort zone into mens fashion in the NBA, writing for different publications as well as my own blog, styling for photo and video shoots, even coming out of my shell from "behind the scenes" and starring in my shoot. Designing on a larger level was once a thought (the highly saturated market and abundance of items to choose from keeps me from going down that road - why add to the mix when there's already so much to choose wisely from? But then again...that perfect dress I want exists....only in my head. Hmm..maybe someday?)

As enjoyable and exciting all of these experiences have been, something has always been slightly amiss.  I really had to think - are any of those things at the very essence of what I'm doing? So then, back to the original question - WHY am I doing this? What is the point here?

At times, I have felt jaded by my experiences. Rubbing shoulders with people in the industry has occasionally left me disheartened. But also inspired.  Hence the see-saw of my emotions around style and fashion (I'm a Pisces = ruled by my emotions. Yes, it can suck sometimes but I've accepted it as a little quirk). So really, the way something FEELS is paramount, over how it plays out logically in my head.  At the end of the day - it's just clothing, the outer, the fleeting.  What profundity is there to that? It's fun, it's ephemeral, don't think too much about it, thassit.  Sitting back and watching seasons pass, styles leave and reemerge, makes one realize that it should be taken lightly.  And so, just fashion and styling at face value couldn't be all I was doing. I couldn't accept that. There had to be something else. Something more substantial.

Let me back up a bit. As I may have mentioned, before all this started, I worked in tech at a local retailer for about a decade.  I quit in order to spend more quality time with my dizzyingly-quickly growing fan club (aka my children). After a few months of travel and leisure, catching up on house projects (stenciling a powder room, anyone?), and exploring some other creative outlets (I'll leave it at just that), I started getting....well, BORED. The work/home life balance has apparently been seeped deep into me, and as much as I love eating my lunch sitting down and cooking dinner without my laptop open next to the stove while a load of laundry waits to be dumped in the dryer, I needed a little "sumpin sumpin" to enrich my everyday existence, outside of home and family.


At the risk of sounding outlandish, it actually started out as a genuine desire to help others. I have always maintained that I would do this work gratis if it didn't take up so much time - time away from family, time away from my other commitments. In that sense I wasn't looking for a solid income necessarily - I have been blessed enough to have left that need behind. It just felt good to assist others with an aspect of their life I had some know-how of, one they didn't necessarily have the time or desire to explore. It's outsourcing, really.

The recent explosion of modest fashion has coincided nicely with my little shenanigans. I am a few years removed from the new generation of IG bloggers - as cute, confident, and creative as I think they are, it's not me. The mipsters video, the aftermath, the universal struggle to feel beautiful as women and to stay true to who we are...watching a whole new generation struggle to balance this superficial reality of scrutiny under the spotlight of social media - it's all mind-boggling. And I never felt like I fit into this rapidly growing bubble.

Because the woman I work with has bigger things on her mind. She needs to get dressed quickly. Functionally. Covering according to her own personal belief system. For the rain. For the heat. For her workplace's distinct corporate culture. Without spending a month's paycheck. Not with what her mommy, daddy, or gaga-eyed fiancé/husband gave her. Not for a photograph to be posted. Most often with means she has worked very hard to earn with her own blood, sweat, and tears. Without teetering in the highest platform heels or necessarily becoming a slave to trends.

The sum of all these realities has helped me realign what is at the crux here - the deep-rooted pleasure I get from helping strong, substantial women (and occasionally, men) who are so much more than what they wear - women who are housewives, women who are professionals, women who are out there doing some relevant work in the world: whether it be mothering, teaching, defending innocent people, performing reconstructive surgery, trotting the globe doing social work, speaking in front of thousands, taking sacred vows on their big day - to give those women a hand and ease their load so they can focus on what really matters - THAT, is the essence of what I strive to provide.

We've heard it all before - but it's so, so true. Women by nature are just so darn giving and become so absorbed in being the caretakers of others, they often fail to care for themselves. To help such women in the little way in which I do gives me a unique sense of fulfillment.  The world is unfortunately more superficial than we like to believe - appearance matters. And the anxiety most women face around the dreaded daily question of  "what to wear?" is alarmingly high.  I was actually surprised by the number of people reaching out to me, with their personal stories and struggles.

I aim to provide a safe space for people to be completely be honest about what those personal struggles are - weight fluctuations, change in lifestyle, new baby, limited budget, clothes too fancy for the actual lifestyle they lead (ahem...I'll be my own client forever when it comes to this one) - the list is endless and at times, surprising. Even with girlfriends, we can hold back on our true issues. But when I come into the picture solely for this purpose, people's guards can come crashing down. And that's when the true work begins.

So yes - attending fashion shows and posting #ootd's can be exciting and it can give people something to look at when they wonder just what it is I do.  But it's never felt like enough. In fact, it can be a huge distraction from the real stuff because let's be real...blogging about your #ootd regularly is like, seriously exhausting. Putting together the outfit, shopping for your next look, staying on top of trends, finding someone who loves you a whole lot from every angle (even your bad side!) and is still always willing and available to take just enough snaps so you have a sufficient assemblage to choose from...then editing, linking items, instagram hashtags, etc...I could not keep up.  With my already limited hours to dedicate to all this, I just didn't find that aspect to be as satisfying as others. And if I'm being honest, it wasn't true to my nature.  Some have told me this is a huge deterrent for this kinda work. But I can't fight what doesn't feel right especially when I'm left feeling unfulfilled after a whole lot of effort.  Again, more power to those doing it! I immensely enjoy staring at your beautifully orchestrated photos - my IG experience just wouldn't be the same without them! You are all so pretty, inspiring, and innovative. I'm just way too sheepish and lazy to pull it off myself :/

It's been a quiet time in cyber world for SBD, but things are steady and satisfying. And although that isn't saying much, it's a reflection of how I'm feeling about this little jaunt I've experienced and for what's ahead.  So now you know - I've had my head in the clouds and have been contemplating the greater meaning of all this. It's taken some gritty honesty and some cathartic experiences to get here. But I wanted to share. And that's the God-honest truth :) xo




Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Supreme Season



It's no secret I have a fall fetish. Everything about this season just jives with every fibre of my being - the shorter days, the crisper nights, the return of my favorite TV shows,  apple and pumpkin confections, rich stews and soups in abundance, and of course, extended holiday shopping hours :)

This week it feels like fall has finally dug its stubborn yet patient heels deep into the leaf-laden earth, and I am a little astonished at how strongly this puts a positive spin on my mood.  I feel like a bit of a broken record every year, complaining that I can't put on those exciting fall finds until it actually gets cold, blah blah blah...but I'm over it.  I think. Well, I'm trying. And before I offend anyone dealing with sub-zero extremities, just know this all comes from a Cali-born and raised gal who craves the four seasons to make their distinct marks in her year.

Rather than being ruled by my emotions, I've attempted to apply a logical reality in my head. This is in order to avoid the usual emotional heartache I experience as I wait impatiently for summer to go away (this travesty usually starts in early September). Here goes:

According to temperatures and precipitation (versus conventional thought), the following is my seasonal breakdown of the year, by month: 



Fall/Winter = Nov-April
Spring/Summer = May-October

Noted.


Likewise...

Fall/Winter apparel in stores: August-January
Spring/Summer apparel in stores: February-July

Hence....

The overlap to enjoy newly bought seasonally-appropriate apparel is about 3 months:

Nov-Jan: Fall/Winter
May-July: Spring/Summer

Sound about right? Now, I just need to accept and appreciate this small window so I can stop having the same complaint every year. I think I'm handling it quite well this time around, compared to my usual rants (although sometimes my annoyance with seasonal limbo can prove somewhat fruitful, as demonstrated here).



Anyone NOT see at least one item they'd like to snuggle up in?


The opportunity to embrace fall is officially here. I've been pulling out my furs and leathers and wearing them shamelessly, even if the day happens to peak out at 70 degrees. The switch to booties, layers, and scarves is apparent in the general populace everywhere, from the functional suburbs to the more conscious city streets.  It's the best time of the year, and it always goes by so darn fast.  Enjoy.




Written by Saba Ali - stylist, writer, and founder of SBD - Image Consulting

Comments? Questions?  Leave below or email us at stylebydesign.sbd@gmail.com