So here I am, digging deeper and sharing more, because all the people I have ever been inspired by and looked up to have this key element in common - a true, honest voice about all their life experiences and how it shapes who they are. The good and the bad. And also because at the heart of it, fashion can be so...well, superficial. Like, horrendously superficial. People sizing up people simply based on outward appearance alone. Call me naive, but it makes me shudder. I cringe thru events where this is the primary criteria of judgment of a person - you know, the ones where people don't even try to HIDE the fact that they are giving you the once over from head to toe? No shame.
Two steps forward...
"So....what is it you do EXACTLY?" someone will prod gently with either a genuine desire to know or with a sharp eyebrow and at times, a snarky disposition. This question has been inserted casually into more conversations than I can remember (I can count on one hand how many people asked me this same question about the "regular" full time job I held for six times longer than I've done this one. Go figure?), and hence, I should have a clear cut answer by now. But it's not that simple.
I've dipped my toes into a bit of everything that comes with the territory - posting outfits of the day, flying out for fashion week amidst the polar vortex on a sudden whim, stepping out of my comfort zone into mens fashion in the NBA, writing for different publications as well as my own blog, styling for photo and video shoots, even coming out of my shell from "behind the scenes" and starring in my shoot. Designing on a larger level was once a thought (the highly saturated market and abundance of items to choose from keeps me from going down that road - why add to the mix when there's already so much to choose wisely from? But then again...that perfect dress I want exists....only in my head. Hmm..maybe someday?)
As enjoyable and exciting all of these experiences have been, something has always been slightly amiss. I really had to think - are any of those things at the very essence of what I'm doing? So then, back to the original question - WHY am I doing this? What is the point here?
At times, I have felt jaded by my experiences. Rubbing shoulders with people in the industry has occasionally left me disheartened. But also inspired. Hence the see-saw of my emotions around style and fashion (I'm a Pisces = ruled by my emotions. Yes, it can suck sometimes but I've accepted it as a little quirk). So really, the way something FEELS is paramount, over how it plays out logically in my head. At the end of the day - it's just clothing, the outer, the fleeting. What profundity is there to that? It's fun, it's ephemeral, don't think too much about it, thassit. Sitting back and watching seasons pass, styles leave and reemerge, makes one realize that it should be taken lightly. And so, just fashion and styling at face value couldn't be all I was doing. I couldn't accept that. There had to be something else. Something more substantial.
The recent explosion of modest fashion has coincided nicely with my little shenanigans. I am a few years removed from the new generation of IG bloggers - as cute, confident, and creative as I think they are, it's not me. The mipsters video, the aftermath, the universal struggle to feel beautiful as women and to stay true to who we are...watching a whole new generation struggle to balance this superficial reality of scrutiny under the spotlight of social media - it's all mind-boggling. And I never felt like I fit into this rapidly growing bubble.
Because the woman I work with has bigger things on her mind. She needs to get dressed quickly. Functionally. Covering according to her own personal belief system. For the rain. For the heat. For her workplace's distinct corporate culture. Without spending a month's paycheck. Not with what her mommy, daddy, or gaga-eyed fiancé/husband gave her. Not for a photograph to be posted. Most often with means she has worked very hard to earn with her own blood, sweat, and tears. Without teetering in the highest platform heels or necessarily becoming a slave to trends.
The sum of all these realities has helped me realign what is at the crux here - the deep-rooted pleasure I get from helping strong, substantial women (and occasionally, men) who are so much more than what they wear - women who are housewives, women who are professionals, women who are out there doing some relevant work in the world: whether it be mothering, teaching, defending innocent people, performing reconstructive surgery, trotting the globe doing social work, speaking in front of thousands, taking sacred vows on their big day - to give those women a hand and ease their load so they can focus on what really matters - THAT, is the essence of what I strive to provide.
We've heard it all before - but it's so, so true. Women by nature are just so darn giving and become so absorbed in being the caretakers of others, they often fail to care for themselves. To help such women in the little way in which I do gives me a unique sense of fulfillment. The world is unfortunately more superficial than we like to believe - appearance matters. And the anxiety most women face around the dreaded daily question of "what to wear?" is alarmingly high. I was actually surprised by the number of people reaching out to me, with their personal stories and struggles.
I aim to provide a safe space for people to be completely be honest about what those personal struggles are - weight fluctuations, change in lifestyle, new baby, limited budget, clothes too fancy for the actual lifestyle they lead (ahem...I'll be my own client forever when it comes to this one) - the list is endless and at times, surprising. Even with girlfriends, we can hold back on our true issues. But when I come into the picture solely for this purpose, people's guards can come crashing down. And that's when the true work begins.
So yes - attending fashion shows and posting #ootd's can be exciting and it can give people something to look at when they wonder just what it is I do. But it's never felt like enough. In fact, it can be a huge distraction from the real stuff because let's be real...blogging about your #ootd regularly is like, seriously exhausting. Putting together the outfit, shopping for your next look, staying on top of trends, finding someone who loves you a whole lot from every angle (even your bad side!) and is still always willing and available to take just enough snaps so you have a sufficient assemblage to choose from...then editing, linking items, instagram hashtags, etc...I could not keep up. With my already limited hours to dedicate to all this, I just didn't find that aspect to be as satisfying as others. And if I'm being honest, it wasn't true to my nature. Some have told me this is a huge deterrent for this kinda work. But I can't fight what doesn't feel right especially when I'm left feeling unfulfilled after a whole lot of effort. Again, more power to those doing it! I immensely enjoy staring at your beautifully orchestrated photos - my IG experience just wouldn't be the same without them! You are all so pretty, inspiring, and innovative. I'm just way too sheepish and lazy to pull it off myself :/
It's been a quiet time in cyber world for SBD, but things are steady and satisfying. And although that isn't saying much, it's a reflection of how I'm feeling about this little jaunt I've experienced and for what's ahead. So now you know - I've had my head in the clouds and have been contemplating the greater meaning of all this. It's taken some gritty honesty and some cathartic experiences to get here. But I wanted to share. And that's the God-honest truth :) xo
